blading at ECP

yes!!! it was a good effort for me to wake up at 730am when i only slept for 3.5 hour. it was a miracle that i did not bang into one another when i was blading at ecp. it was amazing that i still do not feel tired. haha..

well, it was supposed to be a KNS outing but the meeting time was too early for everyone. the drunkard woon could not make it in time, lazy wulan did not come (guess she woke up late) and sleepy peiwen woke up late!!! argh!! so it was left with PEEEEEEEEE, mh and i. the 196 bus ride was horribly long. it took us close to an hour to reach ecp. =( it was fun to blade again. i must master my basics well and i can then enjoy the feeling of wind blowing against my face. yesyes!!! mh, learn fast okay? remember to GLIDE. then we can date PEEEEEEEEEE again to go for another blading session soon.

ok. so i promised pee i will upload the pics we took when we went drinking that day by tonight. so here are the photos!

by the way, important message to all KNS: we will be sending the stuff over to FAT by the end of next week. so, please pass them to me ASAP okay? contact me!!!! FAT, if you are reading this now, please cry because you should be touched by our efforts. =)


peee!!!


our drinks


me!


one of the nicer tasting beers


pee's fav candle. i dont understand why!


3!


4!


9!


10!


10 again! but spot the difference.

mooncakes!!!!!!!!!

my hands still smell like lian yong. haha.. it is lotus paste lah! my mother is baking mooncakes again because mooncake festival is coming soon!!!!! yeah!!!!!!!!! i love the mooncakes my mother makes because the paste is thick and skin is thin. yummy!!! plus, i love sweet stuff!! the snow skin mooncakes are my favourite. but my mother is doing the baked mooncakes now. =( when can i have my snow skin mooncakes?

when i was young, i loved to help out in the kitchen but my mother always had to chase me out. =( i loved to play with the food and the knife was out of bounds to me. the more i could not touch it, the more curious and eager i was to use the knife to cut vegetables and meat like my mother. so, i was helping my mother with the lotus paste just now. i had to mix the nuts with the paste evenly. then, roll them into equal sizes for my mother. it was tough because my mother had high standard. "aiyo, this one too small. that one too big." hai... i just wait for those ready mooncakes. i shall be the first to eat them before anyone does in my family. haha..

i feel happy when i have lots of food at home. give me more food okay? my long awaited blading tomorrow!!! yeahyeah!!!!!!

nobody understands me

it's heart breaking when you cannot do anything when you know there is something wrong. it's worse when you try to do something but others misunderstand your kind intentions. it is devastrating when people distort facts and mislead everyone. nobody understands you. you start to build a wall around you that nobody can reach into your inner soul. you no longer trust anyone else except yourself. you feel helpless when you cannot do anything. you feel defenceless when people start blaming you for everything. you try again and again to let them know the true you but again and again, you are slapped right in your face. who can understand the pain you are going through? who can be your true friend?

i felt emotional after "the forbidden city - protrait of an empress" play. the struggle for power and love that was going on behind the tall walls that surrounded the city, the heart breaking moments from a mother and concubine point of view, and the aftermath of war overwhelmed me. it always happens after i attend a history lesson. i will be normal when day breaks. =)

it's never smooth sailing

i have never admitted that life can be a smooth sailing affair for everyone. no matter how long your achievement list is and how proud you are of them, there is some point in your life you feel like shit, trash and escaping from everything. this is what i called the "tough period". so now, you should start asking yourself, HOW?

i have not been in a good mood these few days. the slightest thing can piss me off and i am still pissed with something! forget about it, i am just being a childish and illogical person here. i try not to affect the others with my foul mood. but how? keep the positive energy high! it's the time when it is important to learn a surviving skill called self-psycho. you just have to keep convincing yourself that everything will be fine, nothing is going to get on your nerves, you have everything under control, it is not as bad as what you think and you will ultimately pull through all the crap. the bottom line is to stay positive.

however, there are times when you feel like you have no more energy to be optimistic and everything you are doing now is WRONG! so what now? it is a sign that it's time to take a break. afterall it is the quality and not the quantity that matters. take a breather and let your over-worked brain rest. maybe you will be able to find a more suitable solution after that. just leave your work desk, go out of the room, take a walk anywhere and breathe. on days when you feel rich, go down to some eating place to eat because eating makes me happy so i hope it will work for most too. or just go and sweat it out! it produces some chemicals in your body that makes you happy. so why are you still staring at the screen?

it is the recess aka team break for me now. it is not exactly holidays because i have to prepare for 2 class tests which are after the break, and my critical thinking position paper. i thought saving the whales is hard enough but IR is even harder. =(

stay positive friends!

i dont understand myself anymore

i have changed.

the more i am restricted, the more i want to break free.

different stages

we were talking about a animation today. the main storyline is the characters will lose something equivalent to what they wish for. would you want to make a wish then? furthermore, a short conversation with DA BAI today made me think about the gains and losses in life.

the most obvious one will be the friends. i have lost some friends, some unknowingly but some with a reason. when i look back and think, i definitely miss the times we used to have together. the word "used-to" explains everything! they belong to the history and it is pointless to hold on to the past. just move on with life! i will be equally happy just to know that i used to be part of their lives. since there are fresh tomatoes, there are definitely rotten ones. friends who i dont wish to be reminded of. i am somehow similar to my brother's style of making friends. what we want most in our friends is trust. in all relationships, i seriously believe that it is the basic building block. with no trust, how do you expect me to confide in you? you will just be a stranger who i used to know. so, dont think about them because they will just make my blood boils. move on with life and meet new faces now! they are a group of fun-loving and loves-good-food people. let's go food hunting again!!!

relationship with my family has changed too. i used to hug my mother and cry in her arms when i was sad. now, i will hide in my room and swallow my tears down my throat. i was afraid of my father because he played the disciplinary role at home. he would scold me till i teared for the slightest mistake. but now, i discuss big decisions with him and have simple conversations with him. i played a lot with my brother but we seem to have distance ourselves from each other as we grow older. i guess the only thing that does not change is my relationship with my sisterm, except that she is married now. i am very thankful to have her as my sister. she taught me in one way or another to be the person i am today. thanks! (doubt she will ever read this)

we were watching this movie today and there was this line that said it is during high school when you learn how to handle break ups. boy meets girl, girl meets boy. boy likes girl and girl likes boy. what a perfect picture but i still do not believe in BGR love, specificially, first love and love at first sight. how many actually settle down and start a family with their first love? some use the word "foolish" or "silly" to describe it. witnessing couples coming together and after a few months or at least a few years, they are going on their separate ways. it makes me think how strong love can be? i may have lost someone i have loved but at least i have learnt something. not to punge too deep into relationships? but one thing for sure is i will know who are my true friends because true friends will be there during my toughest period.

forget about the losses. let them be part of my memory and please, remember the good times. next will be to move on with life!

rainy friday

today is not my day!! is it the rain today that makes me ultra clumsy and not alert today? i toppled one full cup of soya bean milk. i swear everything was happening in slow motion but i could not do anything to stop that cup. in the end, mh's handphone smelt of soya bean milk, her bag and giles' shoes were not left unharmed too. arGH!!! felt guilty. sorry guys! i shall stay away from soya bean for a few days.

my sense of direction is considered to be among one of the better ones in my group of friends but i gave giles 2 wrong directions today!!! i could reach home from nus within 10 minutes but because of me, we went all the way from aye to clementi road and then to bukit batok and finally back to clementi again. bad day!

what's the problem with me?

i thought may be it was the lack of sleep so i relunctantly went to sleep just now although i had not finished watching my GEK web cast. my stomach was supposed to wake me up at 8pm. amazing, i did not feel hungry at all! i was awoken by my mother's friend's call. luckily she called or else i will still be sleeping now.

i just dont feel good on this day.

dont look back in anger

this entry is dedicated to someone special in my heart.

it is always late at night when i start to miss your company. is it too late to say i miss you, my friend? i remembered telling you on a call that i will call you everyday to make sure you are safe there but it is not happening. sorry. it is not that i dont care for you because i still do and even more. sometimes, i wonder how did we spend 10 years together? we are of somewhat different character and we usually bickers because we have different opinions on many issues. but we will still come to a compromise in the end. we have different fashion tastes yet we can go on endless shopping trips. what is the special bond that brings 2 quite different people together?

i have this song running in my head the whole day. may be because i had it running in my ipod this morning. but i think the main reason is you introduced the song to me. you told me all about the song a few months back but i am only hooked onto it now. am i slow? anyway, good songs dont die off with time.

So Sally can wait, she knows its too late as we're walking on by
Her soul slides away, but don't look back in anger I hear you say

it is one of those not-my-days

today is one of the not-my-days. nothing is troubling me and i am seriously not feeling stressed due to the never ending workload. this is the day when i wish i had a car. i feel like going for a spin around singapore aimlessly in my car and end my day with a drink or two with a few closed friends at some cosy jazzy pub along singapore river. why am i in such a mood today?

how about making my wish easier? go for a drink with friends. highly impossible because it is not the weekend yet. argH! i do drink with my dad sometimes but today i want to drink with my friends. damn!! how i wish jiefang is still in singapore. then i would grab a bottle or two from my house or at some cheapo convenience shops nearby and drink our hearts out through the night. chat through the night with no topic in mind.wake up next morning and feel sad and depressed because i will be forced to face reality. when was the last time i waste my night away?

the itch is killing me!!! can we please go for some quiet drinking next, friends? may be i shall join liting to waste our lives together at the end of the year.

it is NOT fun at all

taking a break is to walk a longer distance.

i cant agree no more with this sentence but i definitely do not like falling sick as a form of a break. i have a sorethroat for the past few days. i did not bother about it except that i tried to drink lots of water. however, it did not seem to be working and it got worse when i woke up this morning. i totally lost my voice!!! i had no choice but to cancel my tuition today. =(

after having porridge for lunch, i thought it was time to get down to some serious business. my head felt heavy and my eye lids were burning when i was trying to understand calculus. these were signs of a fever. i forced myself to at least finish that set of notes. i quickly crawled into my bed and wrapped myself in my blanket. this afternoon nap lasted till dinner time. by the time i woke up, i was soaked in sweat which was good. i believe my fever has gone down by now.

my throat is feeling much better after taking both western and chinese medicine. forced to drink a bottle of herbal tea, a cup of honey, a bowl of who-knows-what-my-dad-puts-in soup and western and chinese sorethroat medicine. popped 2 panadols for my fever as well. i shall be fine by tomorrow.

liting dear, tomorrow is the first day of the long battle. dont panic and have more confidence in yourself. all the best and work hard for the remaining days okay? we shall meet up again after all the craps to relax and catch up with each other. call me when you feel stressed or when you just need someone to hear you grumble and scream. you have ME! =)

am i independent?

what do you do when you meet a problem? share it with your friends and family because they may offer good solutions. or you will just try your best and struggle to solve it yourself? the last option will be to not bother about the existence of the problem.

problems usually arise when we get out of our comfort zones. when we feel uncomfortable in a situation, we just want to get out of it immediately. given no choice but to stay on, problems start to form. you hate what you are doing now, leave anything that is related to it till the last minute and throw your temper when the outcome is not what you expect. you get pissed off and start questioning your decision to stay on. your foul temper will affect the moods' of those around you. others' opinion on you changes. in the worst situation, relationships will be tested.

face with a problem, i will try to solve it myself. even if it is not within my limits, i will continue to try until i am frustrated with myself. i dont like to seek help from others unnecessarily. i want to try solving it myself because sometimes, i feel that i am in the survivor game. i only have myself to depend on for my survival. only myself is responsible for my own future. if i am unable to do something by myself, how can i expect myself to strive on my own in the future?

that sounds like a politically correct answer but i am starting to question myself. is it really what i am thinking or is it because i do not want to show others the weak side of myself. someone told me this before "dont cry before your members." when i was preparing for the annual guides campfire in secondary4. i was in charge of the campfire and i could feel the pressure building up as the day was closer. for the past years in guides, campfire had been a combined affair with the scouts but we decided to split at my year. i had no prior experience and i had to admit, i had very high expectations on myself. so throughout the whole period, i reminded myself constantly that i could not admit defeat because if i did, what was going to happen to the campfire? i had to fulfil my duties as their leader and hang on. refusing to ask for help could be because i do not want to appear weak in front of others.

not recognising the problem is definitely not something i will do. why run away from it? by doing so, it does not help to solve the problem. all i can get is just temporary peace and pleasure. by the time i have decided to face it bravely, the problem may have gotten worse. i hate to drag things. i want to get things done fast and simple.

am i being stubborn when i refuse to seek help from others?

i skipped a lect!!!

i am supposed to be mugging hard for my GEK tutorial now but i just cannot resist the temptation of blogging about TODAY!!!

today was my early day because i had a MLE lect at 8am. my mother woke me up at 715 but i could not walk straight to my kitchen. nsso worries, i was not suffering from any hang overs. i was just SHAGGED!! i have been sleeping at around 2 to 3am since school started and the tired-ness was pulling me back to my bed this morning. i mumbled some stuff to my mother and went back to bed. my next tutorial was at 10am. luckily, my dad barged into my room and shocked the hell out of me when he told me it was already 930am. how was i going to fly to nus fass in 30minutes? in my shortest possible time (around 10 minutes), i started my run to fass.

i actually enjoyed today's tutorial. it is my ONLY arts subject i am taking now. i am not the arts person but i worship history. yaya, i can hear some 'yucks' now. so the bottom line is i love SSA! we were discussing how singapore history can help to build the nation identity. i was thinking what if i was told during the tutorial that everything i had learnt in primary and secondary school was biased and subjective. they were just propaganda with limited truth in them. what if? hmm... i guessed i would be devastrated and break down. it would just imply my hard work from the 10 years were wasted. actually i felt qte offended when someone said that the way the schools taught history was boring because it was all memorising work to them and trchers spot qns to teach. maybe i am one of the fortunates ones because it did not happen to me.

i was in love with my history trcher, D LIM. he did spot questions but he did not just teach us on those topics. he taught us more. spotting questions is just being exam smart. doesnt everyone do that for all subject during exams? so does that mean all subjects are boring? he is a strict teacher who expects active participation from everyone for all classes. there was once, nobody answered his question. i guess it was cos his was our first lesson in the morning so everyone was still sleeping then. he was pissed with us and started reading his novel. hmm.. luckily, the lesson continued when someone saved us by answering his question. his method is different from what many think. he used discussions to trigger our thoughts, to make us think and speak up. from there, i had gained much and it definitely made learning history easier and more interesting.

i want to start mugging for history like the good old days again. learning history just makes me happy. oh yeah! jiefang is starting school today. she must be in her class now. haha.. hope you have fun and remember to start saving money now! i want you to attend my graduation. =)

pissed off!!!!

i want to go for a run immediately!!!!!!!! i need to sweat it all out to cool my mind now. i want to shout!!!!! i am not in the right mind set now. i am pushing every single alphabets with all the strength that i have. i want to vent it all out. i simply dont understand her. what's her problem? why am i always the one who do all the dirty jobs and not appreciated or recognised. all she can see is all my flaws and she always have to choose the perfect moment to rub salt onto my wounds. what the hell! can you just leave me alone when i want to and stop nagging at me. cant you see how busy and frustrated i am already with the bloody hell wireless internet connection. i can always consult my brother or father since males are better than females in IT area. what the hell!!!!! that's sterotyping. i am always the one doing all the computer shit and everytime when the computer screwed up, it is forever my fault. what equality is there to talk about?

why cant girls throw their temper? why cant i vent my anger when i am pissed? why am i being scolded when i am angry? why cant i come home late at night? what is the whole big fat problem!!!!! safety? but at least you can put it in a nicer way and choose a right timing to tell me all these stuff and not NOW. you are just pushing me over my limits. you should know very well that i have a short fuse so why step on my toes when they are already stepped on?

i just hate this whole thing about females being the weaker or inferior gender. i hate it!!!! dont you understand me? i am brought up in a democratic environment so at least can you let me please see what i am taught in school? be fair in your judgement and stop sterotyping me. it just makes me want to prove you wrong more and i can jolly well survive without any guy, alone.

pissed off!

engin bash

today was my second time entering a club. my first time was after my prom night and i had a bad experience. i am quite sensitive to smoke. i want to live a long life and not die from passive smoking. there was once i was planning to go balcony with my friends. but i could smell the smoke from afar and we changed our venue to chjimes, where i enjoyed myself a lot and the live band rocks! anyway, back to engin bash. i was happy to see the good turn out from my og. ever since week 0 is over, we have kinda gone our different parts but we still meet up for lunch here and there. so it was a good opportunity to catch up with each other, having fun, drinking and dancing a little. i am not really the dancing girl. that is one of the reasons why i dont go clubbing. i dont mind pubbing and if the pub has a live band, it will be a bonus. so my dear friends out there, call me along if you guys are interested for a drink or two. i swear i will TRY to make time for you. =)

well, before meeting my dear og, i went to expo with goi, giles and gladys. argh!!! they are belonged to the G family. anyway, it was a fun experience to go commex with them, especially the part when we kept disturbing giles. hey! i will continue my part 2 on monday. haha... dont run away from me okay? so, i have finally got my wireless modem from goi and bought the external hard disk. but, the stupid me forgot to take the modem from giles' car's boot just now. so i have no choice but to meet goi tmr. hopefully, it will work on my laptop tmr. please dont crash on me. if not, i have to make another trip down to expo just to get a dumb wireless modem. but, i am interested to walk the other halls. haha.. i shall see i have the time or not. weekends are meant to catch up with tutorials. why am i only thinking of play and not work here?

before i left goi under the care of giles, she remembered me again and again not to drink too much, especially after i told her my stomach hurts like shit again when i walked to school this morning. what the helll!! closed friends of mine should know i am kinda a alcoholic. i am crazy over alcohol drinks. i want to taste every different drinks they have in a pub. but i am not a fan of cocktails or vonka because i am afraid the bartender will not mix the alchol with the whatever is inside the drink well. i had bad experience before so i should take caution. i rather take beer and wine than the others. i am so interested in wines and beer that i want to learn more about them. like how to appreciate them, how to store them to make them taste nicer and stuff. can someone just teach me? i will be a good student. =) i did not get drunk! i just drank a glass of beer, and a group of us finished 6 jugs of vonka. that's not a lot right? at least i can hold my alcohol pretty well as compared to oops-i-shall-not-mention.

time check is 430AM now and i have tuition at around 8am. meeting pee and then mh and da bai. after that, i shall get prepare to be scolded by my guitar trcher. i have not touched my dear guitar for almost 2 weeks. not sure if my fingers are as flexible as before. busy day tmr again. so wish me luck!